“…I assure you, one of you will betray me. It’s the one to whom I will give this piece of bread once I have dipped it in the bowl.” says Jesus to his disciples in the announcement of his betrayal in John 13:23, 26
Holy Wednesday, also known as Spy Wednesday, is a day of reflection on the betrayal of Jesus at the Last Supper. Christians know this story well. Jesus hands the piece of bread to Judas indicating that HE is the culprit- the spy that sold Jesus out for money-and an easier lifestyle. Jesus blesses him with the bread of life and offers him a loving and grace-filled way out of the situation– and gives him freedom to go and do what he needs to do. And Judas does. He goes and prepares for the ultimate betrayal.
Honestly, betraying Jesus for an easier lifestyle can manifest itself in many ways. I also dip my hand in the bowl at the sacred table. I, too, receive a piece of the bread at communion. Then I betray Jesus. My thoughts, words and actions don’t always reflect a whole hearted love for God or neighbor.
Acknowledging that hurts my soul every time. It’s way easier and better to think about and feel the goodness of our faith- which is the love and grace that Jesus offers me when I mess up. Incidentally, love and grace are the things Jesus does– not me. God’s will for me, and what’s mine to do– is to live this life fully awake, fully alert, fully in love with God and neighbor and to acknowledge when I fail. And that means feeling things that I would rather put out of my mind and not think about. Ever. Numbing to the harsher realities of life.
Numbing. A technique we humans use to deflect difficult situations and feelings. Don’t acknowledge it. Don’t look at it. Don’t feel it. If I ignore it– then it can’t be a thing and it doesn’t remind me of anything.
If you’ve been following this Holy Week blog, you’ll know that the lyrics/music of Chris Cornell are a cornerstone. Today’s song details all the ways that we might numb and the accompanying video is a beautiful story about a young boy who has immeasurable heartache and how he faces it. He feels all of the feels.
How about you, are you adept at numbing or do you allow yourself to feel things? Do you know your numbing strategies? Are you too numb to notice your numbing? Jesus implores his disciples to stay awake- that includes me and you too! (Mk. 14:32-42)
This video might just move you to tears, it did me. Please hit the play button below…or at least read the lyrics– unless numbing is your thing. Thanks be to God for sacred and holy tears!
Doesn’t Remind Me
I walk the streets of Japan till I get lost
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
With a graveyard tan, carrying a cross
Yeah, it doesn't remind me of anythingI like studying faces in the parking lot
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like driving backwards in the fog
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anythingThe things that I've loved, things that I've lost
Things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more, you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forgetI like gypsy moths and radio talk
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like gospel music and canned applause
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anythingI like colorful clothing in the sun
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like hammering nails and speaking in tongues
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anythingThe things that I've loved, things that I've lost
Things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more, you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forgetBend and shape me
I love the way you are
Slow and sweetly
Like never before
Calm and sleeping
We won't stir up the past
So discreetly
We won't look backThe things that I've loved, things that I've lost
Things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more, you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forgetI like throwing my voice and breaking guitars
'Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like playing in the sand, what's mine is ours
'If it doesn't remind me of anything
Simply WOW! A call to wake up and feel it all!